Face the Truth

I don’t want to go back to my doctor. I am afraid of what he’s going to say. I haven’t gained anything but I am floating between losing my weight and maintaing weight.

No big drops.

My friend is trying to help me by getting me to think a different way. She’s told me I haven’t gained weight back ( a plus) and that I need to just start over mentally. She said I should check in with him because I need to make sure nothing is wrong with my band.

She also said I should confront my doctor about the way he spoke to me and tell him how it didn’t help. She suggested basing my leave or stay option on this conversations.

She said she has faith in me and the band. She said I was putting too much pressure on myself and should just do what I set out to do, be healthy and be able to move and breathe. I didn’t care about the numbers.

She also told me that I have to face the truth and realize I too have gotten lazy and used my band as crutch. She reminded me how important my health is to me and how proud she is of the progress I have made to date.

I have fallen off the wagon hard but I can’t lay in the dirt and cry. (i’ve been weeping and kicking dust)

She’s reaching out a hand to help me out.

See more progress on: Have Weight Loss Surgery and Improve my eating habits

Changes are in Order

It’s been a while since I have written. Things have been moving along in my life but my weight loss is at a stand still. I haven’t gain or lost a pound.

I am thinking that I need to do something because I feel like I did this for nothing. I haven’t been back to Dr. Goyal’s office in a while. The last two visits made me want to have the band taken out. Dr. Goyal said some things that had I been in another mood I would of got my records and not come back.

I had an appointment for this week and couldn’t make it due to work. But I got to thinking and I realize that I am scared to go back. If I haven’t lost any weight I am going to hear about it. Bad enough I get it else where.

I can’t blame anyone but myself for failing with the band. It is my fault. I am eating around the band.

But my doctor’s attitude to my stress and my lack of additional weight loss is a hot topic. He said that if he knew I would get so stressed out he would of never done the surgery.

Now I am dreading going. My friend who goes to him already changed doctors. She left in anger and tears from his office.

We are both in agreement that the office and meetings are depressing. I feel like I am going in front of the judge instead of my doctor.

So I thought to myself, is it time that I find another doctor too? I plan on moving back to New York City within four months if possible.

I called NYU to talk to Dr. Fielding’s office. They told me what I would need to do to make the change. They also told me how they could help me with my problem. Since Dr. Fielding had the surgery himself, maybe he can help me help myself.

I am going to give it a little more thought.

See more progress on: Have Weight Loss Surgery and Improve my eating habits

Moments in Lap Band History

January 4, 2007 marks my one year anniversary. I am down 25 lbs and at my last visit this month I am down an additional 2lbs.

This is a recap of my year with Lap Band. I hope this will help those who are thinking of getting the band and for those who are newly banded.


One Minute

I could hear her voice calling to me to open my eyes. It felt strange because I didn’t remember falling asleep.

“Christina..” the voice said pulling me from the memories of my dream. I open my eyes and I am in the recovery room of Overlook Hospital.

I look around the brightly lit room. I am disorientated for a second because I don’t remember why I am at the hospital. A few seconds later I remember- I had lap band surgery.

I look down at my stomach and the realization sinks in- I did it.

“Christina” the nurse’s voice cuts into my train of thought. I turn to look at her and she too seems a little too bright.

She asks me questions and I answer them. She fills out a clipboard and touches my arm and she is so warm. I immediately think of my grandmother and smile at her. She smiles back.

She tells me what happens next and asked me about my pain. Pain? What pain? I think before I speak.

That’s when it hit me, that I didn’t have much pain at all. I still felt a bit loopy but I felt …deflated. I felt lighter and less rigid. I know in my mind this could be an illusion so I will wait until tommorow to see.

One Hour

I am in a private room at overlook hospital with my husband. His face is relieved and calm. We talk and look at the panoramic view from my bedside. The room is quiet except for the hum of my machines and our whisphers of conversation.

Half way through the conversation the nausea mediction wears off. Oh Oh. I knew this was coming and boy did it come.

Since I had a lot of medicne still in my system I had a time frame to wait for my next dose. So for the next 30-60 minutes I worked through the nausea.

Sitting up helped greatly. For some reason I found my nausea funny so I kept making jokes. It was the only thing that kept me focused. I had the nurses laughing about how the throw up bins are always colored like puke. Puke Pink, Bile Blue, Toliet Bowl White and “Going to throw up now” Green.

My main concern with the surgery at the time was the cathetier. I didn’t want want to save my life and was able to ask not to have one. The only conditon was if I couldn’t go to the bathroom by myself I would have to get one. Not a fun thought. However two hours in I was able to go potty all by myself. My mother would be proud.

One Day

I got the all clear to go home the next day. My pain for day one was equal to doing a days worth of situps and crunches. It was more movement pain than anything else. Every one is different.

Getting home took time but we made it in one piece.

When we got home and settled in I realized something very important. My legs, my back, my neck and my head didn’t hurt. At all.

This hit me like a ton of bricks. I had no meds in me and the pains that greeted me morning and night were gone.


One Month

A month later I am feeling no pain. Things are going well and I am able to do things I haven’t been able to do in about ten years. I am starting to get hungry quicker and I know that I will need to talk to my doctor about a fill.

Mentally I am happy and physically I can feel the difference my initial drop in weight made. I am smiling more often and can look at myself in the mirror.


One Fill

My first fill was a very awkward experience. I didn’t really feel much differnce after the first fill.

Or the second..

Or the third..

My fourth fill worked like a charm.


First Ten Pounds

Many people don’t apprieciate loosing 5-10 lbs. I changed a lot for me those pounds. Things like:
Taking the stairs one flight as opposed to the elevator.
Being able to breathe, talk and laugh when I walk.
Being able to bend over without getting light headed
My skin being able to breathe.

The first pound is important to any weight loss patient. It’s a start of change. However pounds and scales aren’t always the most important indicator of success. Non-scale victories are the events in your daily life that indicate things are progressing in a positive way. You are losing or maintaining your weight.

First support group meeting

My first support group meeting made me nervous. I was very scared and felt kind of weird talking about my issues with food, the surgery and how I truly felt.

My doctor had a great support team and they provide us with great ideas and tips to keep us motivated and deal with our common issues.

We can also vent about things that are happening in our lives and share stories.

I left my support group meeting feeling like I had people in my life that understood my journey.

First set backs

I haven’t grasped the entire lap band concept. I still deal daily with my head hunger. I also wasn’t prepared for the emotional withdrawl I would have not being able to eat to deal with my stress.

This was one of the biggest obstacles I have had to face this year with my lap band. The emotional and mental aspect of weight loss.

I have lost, I have maintained and I have gained. In total this year I have lost about 20-25 lbs. I’m not the average loser on the Lap Band.

One year anniversary

My surgery date was Janaury 4, 2006. This entry will mark my one year anniversary.

I am still the torrtiose.

I am still learning to deal with my issues. I now have help.

I’ve been told maybe this surgery wasn’t a good idea. That maybe it was a mistake.

No it wasn’t a mistake.

Bills paid

I finally got an answer from my medical carrier and I will not have to pay for my fills or visits. Apparently there was a misunderstanding about it and they fixing the problem.

Thank goodness. I was really starting to worry.

I have to reschedule my visit with Dr. Goyal to check in with my progress.

See more progress on: Have Weight Loss Surgery and Improve my eating habits

Medical Insurance Woes

I have a big issue with my company’s medical policy. They changed the policy on weight loss surgery and aftercare. Apparently it’s a company problem and not the medical carriers fault.

I have to meet with HR next week to find out what can be done. If they don’t amend the problem I will be responsible for over $600 in fill fees. I have flexible spending money left so that isn’t an issue. But if it doesn’t get resolved this week I may be out of pocket another $300 for my fill this week. I might even have to put it off another month.

The general office visits are being paid for. I was told by my company and medical insurer at the time of signing that services would be covered at 100% and office visits is a $15 copay. They only kept half their promise.

I was asked what I am going to do if they don’t change the policy. I will try to speak to the people in charge personally and if not I will start looking for another job with a better coverage plan.

I am so heated.

See more progress on: Have Weight Loss Surgery and Improve my eating habits